(Previously Published on Mrs Words Blog)

I got upset with my son this week. I know this is not an unusual occurrence in most families – it’s not even unusual in ours, but this time was different for me. I found out that my son was struggling with something pretty big and he went to someone else about it. I found out after the fact and I was so hurt.

You see, in our family, we are pretty open and honest with each other and we talk through things as a family all the time. My kids know that they can always come to me to ask any questions and we’ll openly talk about everything – big, little, uncomfortable things. We talk about feelings, talk through misbehaviour and concerns, navigate through conversations about the heavy stuff and growing up and what is going on, everything. Nothing is judged and no discipline is handed out in our household as long as the exchange of conversation occurs (and then of course apologies are given and appropriate remorse is shown – but that’s a conversation for another day).

So, this time, when I finally found out that there was something big going on in my son’s world and he went to someone else about it, I was hurt! Was I not good enough to help him through this? Was it out of my realm of expertise? Did he not need or want my help anymore? Did I do or say something to make him think that he couldn’t talk to me about this? Nope, none of those things. He was simply growing up!

After he eventually told me and talked it through with me, I told him how I felt about him not coming to me with this first. And do you know what he said to me? He said “Mum, they said that if I had any grievances or issues that I need to discuss it with my leader, and so that’s what I did.” He didn’t think it was something that he needed to come to me about anymore. He acted in the appropriate and expected way that he was told to do within the context of the situation and I went from being hurt to being proud in zero point five seconds flat!

Later on, I talked this little scenario through with God in my quiet time and He gently reminded me that this is what we (yes! God and Jonno & I = we) have been working towards. The whole “train up a child in the way he should go” scripture (found in Proverbs 22:6) has been (and continues to be) my guide and constant reminder of what this whole parenting thing is about. God reminded me that my children are only mine for a period of time and that I get the privilege and joy of loving them and the angst and heartache of moulding them into becoming all that God has called them to be. I’m just borrowing them for their formative years and then they get to go out into this big wide world on their own as wonderfully unique individuals and maybe they will still check in with me every now and then, but I need to let them find their own wings and fly.

That’s what my son was doing and in the end, I actually sat back and told him how proud I was of him and how he chose to navigate through this situation. We hugged and I held on a little bit tighter than before, so very aware that my time as their Mum, whom they look up to for advice, is fleeting and drawing to a close rapidly. They won’t need me like that anymore and I should be happy that I have raised (and am still raising for a short time yet) independent children who are ready to go out on into the world and face their own challenges maturely and without my help.

I don’t know about you, but I’m raising independent children – I may have just needed this little reminder, and so might you!