(Previously Published on Mrs Words Blog)

I have discovered that I can’t be someone else’s happiness. I can’t make someone be happy. I can’t be their vehicle to happiness.

I know it all sounds a bit ominous, but stay with me and I’ll explain…

In the past few weeks, someone close to me was feeling pretty low and down on life. Now, this person has got a lot going for them. To be really honest, their life is pretty good. They have a family who loves them, a good job, their health and they are financially stable – not necessarily rich, but they have what they need and probably a little bit more. But, despite all the good stuff that they’ve got going on, they were un-happy. I honestly couldn’t understand it – I mean, sure, I’ve been through the depths of depression, but this seemed to be a different kettle of fish. In fact, it really frustrated me that this person didn’t see all the good, positive, wonderful blessings in their life enough to be happy.

I sat them down a few times and tried to get them to see all the good, but I ended up getting more frustrated with them. I just wanted to shake them and say “look, look at your-self, your life, look at all the reasons you have to be happy”, but it just wouldn’t help. I went away from these ‘pep-talks’ feeling pretty down-in-the-dumps myself. The last time I walked away in tears. I just didn’t know how to help anymore. I couldn’t fix this, I couldn’t make them happy and it was heart-breaking to me to see someone who I care about feeling like that. There didn’t seem to be a thing I could do to change it.

So, I got down on my knees and prayed (which I should have done from the start, but sometimes I can be a bit thick like that – call it a ‘blonde thing’ if you like). And I was reminded of a God-whisper that I had many, many years ago when God spoke to me about my boy-friend at the time… I was 16 and he was my first and only boyfriend and I was down on my knees seeking God about my future and the direction He wanted me to take, when He said to me that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere and that it was time to close-it-down. God said to me “you can’t be a Christian for him, he won’t get to Heaven on your faith, he has to make his own choice” and that was the clincher that helped me to end that particular relationship.

When God reminded me of that God-whisper from so long ago, I got it! I knew right away that was the answer. The truth was/is that I couldn’t make this person BE happy. I wasn’t able to be happiness for them. It’s their own choice and only they can find their happy. The onus was on them to be happy. I could encourage them, I can pray for them, I can be happy in their presence, but I can’t make them happy. That is their own choice entirely.

Wow! A massive weight lifted off my shoulders when I realised that simple truth. I shared that with my friend and I told them that their happiness was their own choice and you know what? I think they got it too. It was like they had been kind of relying on others, the things around them and their circumstances to change in order to give them happiness, but when they realised that it was all on them – their own choice – they kind of got it. Within days, they shook off their ‘grumpies’ and put on their happy and I was so glad!

So, I just want to finish up with a few questions: Are you happy? If not, why not? What can you do to be happy? Have you prayed about it?

Find your happy today! Make a choice, a decision, a daily commitment to be happy and you’ll find that eventually, it will work. Happiness is a choice. BE happy!