But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

Love! It’s a great place to start a marriage. The feeling of being in absolute love with ones partner is sublime, blissful even. It feels like we could live on this high for the rest of our lives. It’s so sweet, no one can stop us or bring us down from the heights – together forever, just like in the movies.

…and then, a few months into the relationship, reality kicks in and we realise that we have actually made a serious commitment before God and man, and now we have to actually live with the person that we married, communicate with them, cook and clean with them, do life with them, even make decisions with them – like, really huge decisions about where to live and if we should take that job that has been offered, even if it means moving across the country, far away from family and friends; and where to spend our money; and when to start trying for children; and do we even agree on which way the toilet paper sits on the holder?

…and for a moment, we wonder if we’ve have made the biggest mistake of our lives!

Okay! Let’s just stop here for a minute and take a deep, long breath. We are all going to be alright. Our spouse is going to be alright. And guess what? Our marriage is going to be just fine too! This is normal. It happens to almost every couple that has ever been married in the history of the world. It’s called… REALITY! Can anyone else relate?

Sometimes (or most times) the tender feelings of love fade away after a while and there we are left sharing space with someone that we promised to do life with, but we are really not sure that we love anymore, or even like – maybe we’re even convinced we don’t even know them at all anymore.

There is hope for all of us and our marriage’s. Stick with me as we discover together…

Firstly, let’s explore this concept: What is Love? What does this wonderful, terrible, heart-breaking, soul-shaking thing actually mean?

I have written on this subject before (click here to read “You are… Loved!”), but I think we should explore it some more…

The dictionary defines love as: “an intense feeling of deep affection; a great interest and pleasure in something; feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).”

But I absolutely think it’s more than that. What do we do when the feelings go away? Does that mean that we don’t love each other anymore?

If we look to the Bible and study this word ‘love’ in the context of marriage, we discover that it is indeed so much more than what mere dictionaries describe it as being.

Let’s have a look at the classic scripture that is often read during wedding ceremonies, but this time, let’s not just see it as nice sentiment, but as powerful, applicable, truth-filled words. Take a moment and really read it through carefully:

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13:4-8a(NIV)

Can you see what I am trying to get at? These verses, in all the different versions that the Bible has to offer (see The Message version below), all reflect the same thing: Love is not about feelings, it’s actually about hard, selfless work. It’s about commitment and unconditionally choosing, again and again to remain, to work through, to figure out, to keep going.

I wrote in my last ‘Marriage Monday – The Fruit’s of the Spirit’ post that marriage is actually all about being selfless. (Read post here) Love in marriage requires action and effort. And we will fail and get it wrong, we will have disagreements and arguments in our marriage, and we probably won’t see eye to eye with our spouse all the time, and that is perfectly normal and okay, because we are human. But if we pursue and endeavour to love our spouse according to these Scriptures, we can’t go wrong.

Next time you are bothered by something your spouse does, take a moment before you react and think over these Scriptures. Ask yourself, am I being patient, am I being kind? Am I acting boastful or proud? Am I dishonouring my spouse? Am I being selfish? Am I adding this to the long list of wrongs that they have done? Am I reacting out of anger? Am I protecting my spouse, trusting them, hoping for their good, and am I persevering with my spouse?

Then, proceed to collect yourself and rather than react, breathe and respond with all the love, kindness, gentleness, selflessness and patience you can muster. I promise, both parties will feel so much better if these traits become the knee-jerk response, rather than if anger, nastiness, unkindness, selfishness were.

In my next ‘Marriage Monday’ post, we will talk about fighting fair, because, as I mentioned above, no matter how perfect and wonderful we hope to be, we all know that we will fail and we will fight. We are imperfect human beings after all, and we can’t expect to change all our stripes overnight, no matter how much we want to.

For the moment though, I will leave you with these wonderful, rich, truth-filled scriptures about what love is, for you to ponder on and get deep into your soul, this time in The Message version:

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (The Message)

…and I can assure you, truly, that “Love never dies”!

Prayer: Dear Lord, we come before you now and pray for our marriage. We ask Lord that we learn to love each other selflessly and according to your Scriptures (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). We pray that by your Holy Spirit working in us, we can have a fruitful, healthy and happy marriage. Help us remember to treat each other with love, kindness and respect. Let love flourish and bloom in our Marriage and let us continue to grow more in love with each other as the days, months and years go by. Thank you for continually helping us work on our marriage. We acknowledge you as the center of it all. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Here at The Whole Living Hub, we believe in marriage and want yours to be the best that it can be – whole and healthy, with God at the centre. If you have any questions, want us to cover any particular topics, or want to share your experiences with us, please feel free to leave a comment below.