But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)
I am convinced that if we love God, then this passage of scripture is the basis and foundation for the way we should live our lives and it’s how we should operate in all our relationships, especially marriage. What do you think?
Over the course of a few posts, we are going to examine this verse, focusing on how we can outwork the ‘Fruits of The Spirit’ in our marriages. Whether you are newly married or have traversed the decades in your marriage, we hope that this will bring new perspective and keys to make your relationship better, or simply be a great reminder for those in need a little tune-up.
As we walk through our lives on this earth, most of us are constantly trying to do better, be better and achieve more. I want to ask us to pause for a moment here and think about what really matters. What are your highest priorities? What deserves more of your focus and attention? What do you invest most of your time and energy in? What should you be investing more of your time and energies in?
I hazard to guess that for most of us, our attention is currently being spent on things other than what we wish them to be spent on. For example, some of us would probably say we spend too much time and focus on work and not enough on their friends and family. Others might think they spend too much time on their kids and not enough on themselves or their spouse. And what about having fun, travelling and simply enjoying life? I don’t think any of us do that enough.
Do you know that it’s possible to change that? Right now, we can drive a stake in the ground and choose to turn those uneven priorities, misspent energies, and our focus and attention around. For the newlyweds, you have a unique opportunity to start your marriage right, right here and now, at the start of your journey together.
It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past, or what your history and heritage has shown you, you can make a change now for your future, for your relationship and for all the generations to come. Keep in mind though, it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. I promise.
So, let’s focus back on the scripture at the start of this. Galatians 5:22-23 talks on the Fruit of the Spirit. What does that mean?
Believe it or not, but I googled it and wikipedia came up with this answer: “The Fruit of the Holy Spirit is a biblical term that sums up nine attributes of a person or community living in accord with the Holy Spirit, according to chapter 5 of the Epistle to the Galatians: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.””
Firstly, you need to be “living in accord with the Holy Spirit”. That means that you need to acknowledge that He (God, in the form of the Holy Spirit) is real. Baptism is a great outward declaration of your acknowledgement and then relationship with the Holy Spirit. If you haven’t yet been baptised, please seek counsel from a Pastor or trusted friend in the know, and seriously consider taking this next step in your spiritual journey.
Secondly, ‘the fruit of’ suggests to me that they are the result of. So, if I was to translate this passage in simple terms, it would go a little something like this:
If you live your life acknowledging the Holy Spirit in everything you do, the result of that will be evident in an out-flowing of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control from your life.
I don’t know about you, but I want that for my life. I want that in my relationships, especially my marriage. I want each of the nine fruits or attributes to be evident in all my comings and goings, in all my interactions and communications, in everything I put my hand to, and in every encounter I have. What about you?
So, let’s talk about marriage.
How can we live with the fruits of the spirit evident in our marriage?
Ultimately, and most unfortunately for some, the answer is probably one that not many of us are going to like: It is being SELF-LESS!
In today’s society, its most uncommon to be self-less. Selfishness and “me” marketing bombards us from every side. The concept of being self-less is almost unheard of any more, but, it is one of the most vital things that needs to be learnt in order to have a successful marriage that abounds in the outworking of the fruits of the Spirit.
What then, is self-less-ness?
Self-less-ness is the act of letting go of a ‘me’ mentality and replacing it with more of ‘them’ or others. The dictionary puts it this way: “to be concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own; unselfish.”
Another way we could put it is: Un-selfish-ness, which is defined in the dictionary as: “acting generously, or the quality of not putting yourself first but being willing to give your time or money or effort etc. for others”. But, I think it’s not strong enough to explain the real crux of the matter.
Selflessness is not merely just acting generously or just being willing to put others first. It is the act of laying ones self aside for the sake of others. It is the intentional act of making others feel cherished and cared for and loved. Simply put, it is less of me and more of others.
Others needs and wants and cares should mean something to us. In the context of marriage, we absolutely should know what our spouses needs, wants and cares are. It should be important to find this out very early on in the relationship. And once you know, you have the keys that give you access into the very heartbeat of your spouse.
Please note – Selflessness is not, allowing ourselves to be trampled on, manipulated, taken for granted, taken advantage of, treated badly or abused. No one should stand for that. No one should be treated like that. That is not selflessness or submission, that is abuse and it is absolutely not okay and definitely not what I am talking about here. If you are in that situation, please get yourself safe and tell someone you can trust to help you.
A marriage should never be one-sided, with one person always giving and the other always taking. Neither one should be more important or better or treated differently than the other. God created us as equals, man and wife, together. A three stranded cord with God at the center. This is how He designed us. To work together, talk together and live together as one.
“Haven’t you read,”he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6 (NIV)
There is so much written in the Bible about marriage and we are going to take our time to explore a lot of that over the next little while. If you are looking for more Scriptures for now, have a read of Ephesians 5, or the traditional “love” verses in 1 Corinthians 13. We will be having a closer look at this last passage next week when we delve more into the first attribute or fruit of the Spirit – LOVE.
Let me just close with a few final thoughts…
We have learnt today that the first and best place to start living in accordance with the Holy Spirit and outworking the nine attributes, or fruits of the Spirit in our lives is self-less-ness.
How can you tangibly do this in your life? I think it’s great to say “Okay, I’m going to try an be more selfless or less selfish” but what does that really look like?
Let’s try to be more aware of what our spouse is saying (or complaining about) and take notes on what they care about or what’s bothering them, and then think about how we can meet that need or make that issue go away.
For example, men, did you know that taking the overflowing rubbish bag out to the outside bin speaks massive “self-less” vibes to your woman? …and women, how about you take a time-out on the nagging and incessant asking for just one night and see how your man responds?
Trust me, try it, for just one night to behave selflessly towards your spouse, putting them first – their needs and wants, without thought of your own, and see how things change in your relationship. Will you give it a go?
Prayer: Dear Lord, we come before you now and pray for our marriage. We ask Lord that a self-less nature prevails. That by your Holy Spirit working in us, we can have a fruitful, healthy and happy marriage. Help us to be more aware and receptive to the needs of our spouse and to respond with selflessness, knowing that you are at work in our marriage and will produce great fruit from it. We ask this all in Jesus name, Amen.
Here at The Whole Living Hub, we believe in marriage and want yours to be the best that it can be – whole and healthy, with God at the centre. If you have any questions, want us to cover any particular topics, or want to share your experiences with us, please feel free to leave a comment below.
